This won’t be a long blogpost, I think I said what I wanted to say about this stage of my illness before Christmas, but there are a few updates to share.
As many of you know, after a week of wonderful celebrations for both my and Brian’s birthdays in mid-December, I had my 23rd round of chemotherapy. That week I came down with another nasty cough/cold and sadly things deteriorated quite fast from there. The pain got to an unmanageable level, and my bloated and failing liver were causing me to throw up pretty much everything I ate. It made for a tough Christmas. Whilst it was lovely being with family and Oscar had a great time, I really did feel very ill and of course, on top, had the mental challenge of accepting that this was my last Christmas.
Some further tweaks to meds have helped my symptoms a little, and the past few days I’ve kept a bit more food down, but I am extremely weak and not sleeping much. I also have ascites (abdominal fluid build-up) which is very uncomfortable. I had a scan on 2nd January, and was fairly sure it would show further liver progression. I was correct. Sadly the Avastin we have been paying £1650 every fortnight for, hasn’t helped with the liver. So that is the end of oncology treatment for me. I’ve been ‘discharged’ by my oncologist as there is nothing more he can do, and passed to my (wonderful) palliative care team for symptom management, as its now all about making me as comfortable as possible in my remaining weeks. Today I was admitted to St Joseph’s hospice in Hackney. Hopefully they can help me get a little more comfortable, and give both Brian and I some respite. I don’t know how long I’ll be here, but I am hoping not too long. This is planned as a respite stay, not end of life care.
I know many of you would like to visit, but I am here to rest and so I am only having my immediate family in for now, I’m just too tired for lots of visits I’m afraid. Please also forgive me for not replying to messages at the moment, I am dealing with a lot physically and emotionally.
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On a separate and far more positive note, my book, ‘A happy, healthy you’, is close to completion and I am now taking pre-orders! Please fill in the form here and you will receive payment and delivery information. It’s been a huge undertaking but I am so proud that it is becoming a reality. A combination of my story, healthy living and nutritional advice, and 50 healthy, delicious whole food recipes, I hope it will provide information and advice for living your best life!
I know we don’t know one another, but you have been in my thoughts a lot. You are such a very inspiring person, especially in the face of such adversity. Thank you for shining your light and impacting so many lives for the better. xo.
What a wonderful, beautiful soul you are Caroline….you are so loved and such an inspiration… I send you all my love and keep you close in my thoughts…. Dx
Sending you all of our love- you’re such a courageous and special lady
Maxine and Chris xx
My dearest caroline u are so strong and brave tou are in my taught and prayer all the time I miss seeing you at nursery but little oscar has brighten up my day I look forward every week seeing him at nursery and we talk a lot about mummy and how she is doing I hope you u feel better soon an I can see you and give you big hugs again love you to the moon and back love semone xx
Thinking of you Caroline. Wishing you love, peace, and strength. 😘
“Sometimes” said the horse, “sometimes what?” asked the boy.
“Sometimes just getting up is brave and magnificent “
Charlie Mackesy / The Boy, the mole, the fox and Horse
Caroline you’ve clearly done this so many times for the love of Brian & Oscar.
You are so inspirational to me – a beautiful, clever and dignified lady. Thank you
Thank you Caroline. What an impressive, inspiring blog. I hope you are not in too much pain or discomfort Caroline. I am thinking of you all. Jane x
Caroline I feel privileged o have studied with you and got to know you in the past two years . You are beyond an inspirational person ! Such a beautiful soul ! Sending you lots of love 💓
A friend on my Facebook shared a link to your blog some months ago. What an inspirational person you are. I am very much looking forward to reading your book and gaining some much needed knowledge on nutrition! With very best wishes to you and all your family
Dear Caroline, you are a truly formidable human being with an unfathomable strength and grace – your blog is both amazing and inspirational. We are sending all our love and huge hugs to you, Brian and Oscar. xxxxxx You are in our thoughts everyday. Tim xxx
I have not met you, Caroline, but I know your mother through NWR in Shrewsbury. You are so brave. Your blogs bring tears to my eyes. My thoughts and prayers are with all of your family and friends. Daphne